There has been an eternal internal battle within human beings since the dawn of time – logic/rationality versus emotion.
I have published a number of counselling articles here on the With a Little Help Counselling website about how stress, our relationships, environment and trauma can affect the function of the emotional centres of our brain.
When we have stimulated emotions/emotions processing we feel everything deeper and with more intensity, and our emotions are more likely to steer our behaviours…often with negative effects.
These negative effects can lead to damaged relationships, reduced self-esteem, poor lifestyle choices, and further triggering events and situations to name just a few.
I’m not saying emotions or how we process our feelings are bad things but they can cause significant issues if they have the metaphorical steering wheel of our lives.
The Yin to that Yang is logic and reason, and we certainly don’t want to flip completely to the other side of ourselves.
These people are often robot-like, making decisions based only on what the data says and in the process potentially becoming isolated from the rest of us.
What we are looking for is a healthy middle ground. We need balance. We need the “Healthy Adult”.
But what is the Healthy Adult? Well, here’s an example…
It’s 7:45 am, and you are already a little late because the clean shirt you thought you had ironed was still creased, and making that right soaked up five minutes you really couldn’t spare.
You come out to your car and notice that it just doesn’t look right. Walking around to the far side you see a flat tyre.
Work starts in just 1/2 an hour. And there’s all that traffic to get through too.
You start to feel anxious, maybe some frustration is bubbling up as well. You feel the emotional centre of your brain start to activate (which is what it is supposed to do).
But, you’re a Healthy Adult who has value, and that means you’re not going to let those emotions take over at this moment. There are times and places for emotions, but they aren’t going to be much help in this situation.
Is feeling frustrated a valid feeling in this situation? 100% it is. Is feeling anxious OK? Sure. Validate that part of you, validate those feelings. In other words, allow yourself to experience a bit of frustration and anxiety…this is a completely valid response to what’s going on.
But then give the high-level thinking and reasoning part of your brain a chance to have a say. It will probably say something like “We’re in a bit of a pickle here, but it’s not an insurmountable challenge. Let’s first call work and tell them we might be a little late.”
Then, “Let’s safely change this tyre and get on the road.”
When the Healthy Adult has put in a plan, followed it and things have turned out alright there’s that magical double Dopamine hit – you feel proud that you know how to solve your issue, and you did it.
That is the Healthy Adult.
Another great example is the airline pilot (as you can see represented in the image above). We all tend to relax on a plane when we get a feeling that the people pushing the buttons and controlling the levers know what they are doing.
But it’s also knowing that when/if something goes wrong (like a warning light coming on in-flight) these people will revert to their training, experience, knowledge and expertise to make the right decisions.
And, if they don’t know how to remedy the issue, what does the healthy adult do? They get onto the radio and ask for assistance and guidance.
So, what’s stopping you from living life like this?
