Do parents have a favourite child? It’s a dicey question with possible ramifications if you felt you were a favourite, or weren’t in your parent’s eyes.
As a parent, my experience is that you don’t have favourites, you have different relationships with each of your children (very diplomatic I know).
But now a study by the American Psychological Association (APA) has found parental favoritism does occur…and it isn’t an uncommon thing.
Including nearly 20,000 participants, the study examined how birth order, gender, temperament, and personality traits (extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism) were linked to parental favoritism.
Here are some of the main takeaways from the research:
- The favourite child is often a daughter
- Both mothers and fathers were more likely to favor daughters
- Agreeable and conscientious children are more likely to get the “favourite child” award
- Where kids are in the order of birth had minimal impact on the phenomenon
Lead author Alexander Jensen, PhD, tells us the researchers wanted to better understand which children are more likely to be on the receiving end of favoritism.
“The study examined the link between children’s characteristics and differences in how their parents treat them while considering potential moderators such as child age, parent gender, and measurement methods.
“Parents can show favoritism in numerous ways, including how they interact with their children, how much money they spend on them, and how much control they exert over them.”
Of the personality traits evaluated, children who were responsible and organized appeared to receive more favorable treatment.
“This suggests that parents may find these children easier to manage and may respond more positively,” Jensen said.
While siblings who receive less favored treatment tend to have poorer mental health and more strained family relationships.
“Understanding these nuances can help parents and clinicians recognize potentially damaging family patterns,” he said.
“It is crucial to ensure all children feel loved and supported.”
The researchers said they hope their findings will encourage parents to be more aware of their biases and strive to treat all their children fairly.
“So, the next time you’re left wondering whether your sibling is the golden child, remember there is likely more going on behind the scenes than just a preference for the eldest or youngest. It might be about responsibility, temperament, or just how easy or hard you are to deal with.” he said.
The research was published in the journal Psychological Bulletin.