I was doing some research recently and I came across an Australian study that shows quite conclusively the most common reason for a marriage to end in divorce.
The study, completed by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, found communication problems were the number one cause of divorce in Australia.
650 divorcees were asked to reflect on the reason, or reasons, as to why their marriage came to an end.
Interestingly, the average length of the failed marriages turned out to be around thirteen years and the average age of the participants was in their early to mid 40s.
It was found that the perceived main reason for the divorce across both sexes was communication issues. On average, 27% of the respondents across both sexes nominated it as the primary issue.
I was surprised to see that men were more likely to say it was communication issues that contributed to the negative outcome (33%).
This compares to 22% of women who said communication was the main problem.
Other primary reasons for the marriages ending in divorce included:
- Incompatibility/Drifted Apart (21% combined sexes)
- An Affair (20%)
- Alcohol/Drug Use (7%)
- Financial Pressures (5%)
- Work/Time (3%)
- Emotional/Verbal Abuse (2%)
It is a difficult topic, and it’s sad to think about all the marriages that don’t make it. But, in my opinion, communication is something that can be improved if you’re willing to work at it.
Great relationships rarely happen organically, often it takes work and dedication along with an attitude of striving to grow and learn about self and other.
All of my clients commence their work with me with the completion of a Transactional Analysis questionnaire and this helps us identify our dominant ego states, in other words, the modes that we use when communicating with others (or, transacting with others).
And, there is also a strong focus on not just communicating, but validation and safety building as well.
After working with hundreds of couples (and individuals) over the years it has appeared to me that quite often people have poor interpersonal communication skills.
There is nothing wrong with putting your hand up and saying “I need a bit of help with this”, the flow on effects could be massive for you, including the potential of saving your relationship.
