As a relationship counsellor, I’m always looking to learn new things, absorb new ideas, and expand my skills.
Even if it’s just a better way to explain or share a practice or strategy with my couples seeking better relationships.
That’s why I’m always open to reading articles that my colleagues have published; sometimes, a different perspective or adopting a new skill can be a real help in my work.
I came across two articles recently that were published by people who also work in relationship improvement fields, and both centre on some skills and routines that might help your relationship grow and thrive.
Great weekday relationship habits
Firstly, Mark Travers, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in relationships, has published his five things that people with the happiest relationships probably do on weekdays.
Firstly, Mark says happy couples often have a mini morning routine. This routine might include a check-in with each other and perhaps the opportunity to enjoy breakfast together (even if there isn’t a deep conversation).
During the day, they send thoughtful messages, with Mark highlighting the value in just a quick “thinking of you” or a check-in on how the other person is doing.
His third practice is that of resetting as an individual. This means finding a way to shrug off the demands and stress of work, allowing you to show up more present and patient for your partner.
While Mark recommends finding some daily ‘us time’, saying that even just five minutes of undivided attention can go a long way.
This same spirit of checking in and tuning in to your partner and what they are experiencing is also an important habit to embrace before bed.
Mark says it’s not about solving problems in these moments, it’s about staying emotionally aligned and preventing little issues from becoming bigger ones.
Tips for a more successful relationship with your significant other
In the second article, Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands, a company dedicated to helping couples manage both financial and home responsibilities as a team, shares these six rules for a successful relationship:
- Divide tasks by skills, not gender
- Share and support each other to reach career goals
- Take the time to have regular check-ins with your partner
- Set up systems that make good decisions the default (such as setting up joint savings goals)
- Talk about everyday life
- Keep your promises
The importance of this last one can’t be understated. In my relationship counselling approach, we talk about the vital need to follow through on our intentions.
In other words, if you tell your partner you’re going to do something, you have to do your best to make it happen.
That commitment to following through is just one of my ten safety increasing strategies that should help you start to develop a stronger and more harmonious relationship with your partner.
Ten Safety Building Relationship Habits:
1. Minimise Uncertainty
- Have some structure and routine in your life together
- Make plans together
- Work towards shared goals
2. Determine what each other’s boundaries are and respect them
- Physical Boundaries
- Sexual Boundaries
- Intellectual Boundaries
- Emotional Boundaries
- Financial Boundaries
- Spiritual Boundaries
Remember, boundaries are the distance at which you can love someone and yourself simultaneously.
3. Watch your body language
4. Be an active listener
- Put your phone down
- Acknowledge what your partner is saying
- Take an interest in what they have to say
5. Practice Transparency
- Be open with your partner
- Be honest with your partner
6. Always try to give your partner the benefit of the doubt
7. Follow through
- If you tell your partner you’re going to do something, do your best to make it happen
8. Reassure and restate your commitment (especially when the sun isn’t shining)
9. Validate your partner at every opportunity
- In a nutshell, learn the value in validating responses and use them always (more info on how to do that here)
10. Be open to growing and learning (in other words, show you aren’t fixed in your beliefs and behaviours)
If you would like to start taking steps towards a happier, safer, and more harmonious relationship and feel you need some assistance, please feel free to contact me.
