I cannot underscore just how important it is to validate other people, especially those we love and care deeply about (and I hope you’re getting it in return too), but what about filling your own validation tanks?
Sometimes, people who don’t or can’t validate themselves may have trouble either receiving validation from others or giving some out.
Both external and internal validation are needed, though some people need a little of both, some a fair bit more, it all does depend on the individual and the circumstances.
It’s important to get a good understanding of what internal validation is.
Essentially, internal validation is the skill of being able to self-affirm your own feelings and efforts.
It’s about giving yourself permission to feel your own feelings and think your own thoughts.
Just like with validating others, internal validation is all about first identifying the valid and then accepting what is valid.
For example, internal validation would be that thought within your mind that “damn it, I do have the right to feel disappointed right now”.
Or, “You know what, people don’t believe that I can achieve that goal, but I think I can and I’m going to give it a go!”.
A person who is adept at internal validation is more likely to take responsibility for their own actions.
They are also more likely to forgive themselves (and others) as well.
An internal validator is also more than happy to ask themselves the hard questions.
Internal validation is a powerful place because, to a large degree, you are potentially able to find a great deal of fulfillment from within.
You could also suggest that a good self-validator might be more likely to push their own boundaries, speak up more, and be more confident in letting their true nature be seen by others.
All of these traits could set the internal validator up for increased genuine/organic validation too.
What are some signs that maybe your own ability to self-validate (or provide yourself with internal validation) might be a bit lacking?
Well, certainly a focus on trying to find validation externally could be the first place to look/enquire.
For example, being pulled towards making decisions or displaying behaviors that might be based on gaining external validation – I’m thinking of the stereotype of the person who posts too much personal information on social media.
How about people that are always asking for approval? Continually ask for the opinions of others? Or apologize or downplay their own achievements?
Alternatively, perhaps, that shiny new sports car in the driveway might also be a cry out for validation too?
This a good video that explains internal validation a little more:
In a nutshell, Stop talking yourself out of your genuine and valid feelings/emotions!
Struggling with internal validation? I might be able to help. Feel free to reach out to me today.